Analysis of Script

Analysis of Yvonne’s Script

By Mia Edmunds

As a whole this script flows very well as the atmosphere is intense and powerful while the situations remain realistic. A very clear picture is painted of what both the scenery and characters should look like. Visualising this piece is easy to follow as the descriptions are precise and common settings are in place. The dramatic build up to the final scene is slow enough to ensure a storyline whilst also being well paced to ensure dramatic tension. The captivating nature of the storyline was well delivered and could make for a dramatic piece of work.

However the script seems to be missing the intended sound design. I would suggest clarifying the difference of background sound that differs within the scenes especially in scenes with minimal dialogue. It could be as simple as music or the television set playing in the background in the house compared to the busyness of the bottle shop during the day. The pinnacle scene would be even more dramatic if the sound of the gunshot silenced the room, with silence then enclosing the friends as the hold each other’s gaze. 

The characterisation of the two main roles is well done however I would be interested to know why Ben is still friends with Jason when he disagrees with his lifestyle so much. Furthermore I feel that establishing their background would make Jason’s death more traumatic for both Ben and the audience.

The dialogue can sometimes get too wordy for these kinds of characters; I found that reading it I didn’t quite believe that they were in such a bad state as their speech is quite articulate and flowing. For instance I’m not sure if a heroin addict would use the phrase ‘quick smart’ or ‘it could really turn our lives around’. Maybe shorter sentences and simpler phrases would work better and clearly portray the socio economic background that the characters are placed in.

The scene set in Jason’s house during the day, could be extended to include the differences that can be seen in the house during the day time that was not present in the past night shot.  This scene could allow for an audience to empathise with Jason so his death hits them even harder. Perhaps it could be as simple as depicting the piles of overdue bills on the table and food cupboards empty. I feel this would allow for the audience to understand that his drug use may be a way of escaping his responsibilities rather than just being a drop kick drug addict.

Descriptions of the setting could be extended more to include the background action and the lighting that is evident in the room. This would be particularly helpful within the bottle shop scenes and the daytime scenes when more action would seemingly be present in their lives.

The ending could be possibly made more dramatic using intense imagery and facial expressions rather than dialogue. Jason’s last speech seems rather well delivered considering he is about to die. Perhaps Jason can barely choke out words as he tries desperately to apologize to his friend. I find that the descriptions between the dialogues are what make the scene so powerful rather than the dialogue itself. Similarly I think you need to spend a bit more time establishing the surroundings within the bottle shop.

As a project there may be too many lines of dialogue to comply with the requirements. Perhaps consider condensing some of the conversation between Ben and Jason. Lines such as Hold on I need another hit can be conveyed in imagery rather than speech. This could also increase the tension between the two friends as Ben can eye off Jason in a disapproving manner whilst Jason could remain oblivious to his friends disgust. Also the original scene between the landlord and Jason may not be essential rather it could be depicted through the avoidance of the landlord.

All in all I think this will make a great film and I am really interested in seeing it come to life.